Lord knows I’ve tried. Well, maybe not as much as I would like him to think. But I have tried. I’m great at flash prayers, like “help me” and “thank you.” I do them daily. But the sit-down-with-the-Master-and-have-a-nice-conversation prayers, not so good at.
I have prayed for people in my family, starting with my wife, followed by my children (oldest first), then their spouses and my grandchildren, moving through the branches of the family tree. Didn’t get very far. So I would go over the events of the previous day (in reverse order) and give thanks for (or petition for) the characters or events I had encountered. Got sleepy.
Praying at bedtime, however, is not so bad. Then when you get sleepy, which is soon, you’re right where you need to be. It doesn’t work so well if you’re kneeling by your bed (tried that a few times too). But it beats counting sheep.
I even attempted to use the Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:9-13) as a rough outline for inserting my own experiences in daily life. Nada.
I feel bad. I really, really believe in God. And when things go wrong, I can pray like there’s no tomorrow. But I was taught that a daily dialogue with the Almighty is essential to my Christian development. Was I taught wrong?
Unlike some religions (and parts of Christianity), I don’t see God as this fearful, angry Being, who’s lurking just above the sky, ready to pounce on you when you sin — or forget to pray. And I don’t see him as my best buddy, that I can swap jokes with and share secrets. I worship him as the magnificent and awesome God who created me, everybody else and all of the stuff we explore and manipulate on this giant ball. But even though I don’t know how he does it, I sincerely believe that he is extremely personal, eager to enter into the most intimate conversations with me, where no subject is forbidden.
In Mitch Albom’s non-fictional book have a little faith, Rabbi Albert Lewis speaks of prayer. In an interview he was asked why he prays ritual (recited) prayers when, deep inside, he knew his convictions. He replied, “Faith is about doing. You are how you act, not just how you believe.” He went on to explain that rituals, like recited prayers, keep you disciplined whenever you can’t find the words. And saying words that many others around us might be saying at the same time is what keeps us connected. I’ll have to give that some thought.
Prayer is supposed to keep you close to God. Jesus would often spend long nights praying to his Father. Why didn’t he get sleepy? What did they talk about? God already knew what was going on in his Son’s heart and life. And if you believe in the Trinity, wouldn’t that just be God talking to himself?
It seems that I have felt close to God before without the mechanics of prayer. When I observe nature on my daily walks through our local parks. When I hold a newborn baby or see people interacting with each other in love, I feel truly attached to him. But talking with him one-on-one never got a good grip on me. It seems one-sided. I do all of the talking, and he listens, but no still, small voice coming back. I have experienced the still, small voice, but it usually comes when I least expect it, not when I’m in formal prayer mode.
Maybe I’m too anxious about it. I should just participate in the journey in which he has placed me and find comfort in the fact that his door is always open when I need to talk. If I have serious conversations with others, maybe I’m also talking with God, and some day I’ll begin to develop that level of closeness with him.
Lord, help me to pray more effectively.
And thank you for being patient.
Amen.
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